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The Evil Eyeball


Tuesday, January 1st, 2008

The evil eyeball
Or: Sauron’s Take on Lord of the Rings

Text & Music: Sib Machat, 2004

Notes:

  • – Based on the “Lord of the Rings” books/movies. More the movies. This is – as you have most likely guessed from the title – Sauron’s point of view of things.
  • – Insert banter and other nonsense as desired. Contains spoilers.
  • – I play it in Capo III
  • – for best effect, sing this song with lots of outrage and grandstanding going on!
  • – Listen to a 2006 recording of The Evil Eyeball.

 

Chorus:
(G) I’m the (D) eyeball, (C) evil (G) eyeball
(G) Big evil (D) eyeball, (C) doom’s my (G) thing
(C) And I (D) want, (G) yes I (C) want
(G) Back my (D) precious (C) ring! (HA HA!)
(G) And I (D) want, (C) yes I (G) want
(C) Back my (D) precious (G) ring!

(C) Foolish mortals who (G) think to deny (C) me!
(D) They all shall (D7) weep and they all shall (G) fall
(C) For I am the (G) eyeball, the (C) big evil (G) eyeball
(D) And I rule them (D7) yes I rule them (G) all!

Saruman the white is now the fallen
My will he does, my uruk-hai he breeds
For I am the eyeball, the big evil eyeball
And I’ll send them, I’ll send them to Helm’s deep!

CHORUS

Haldir the elf to Rohan’s aide went marching
Which surprised me – what was he doing there?!
(add stick about movie vs book versions)
But I am the eyeball, the big evil eyeball
And if one more elf dies see if I care!

The battle was fought and I defeated
What outrage is this, how could they dare
for I am the eyeball, the big evil eyeball
and my revenge will see how then they fare!

Isengart left helpless was destroyed
By a bunch of walking leafy ents! (Run forest, run!)
But I am the eyeball, the big evil eyeball
And nothing between me and Osgiliath stands!

CHORUS

A hobbit into my Palatir looked
Finally I know where the ring has gone
And I am the eyeball, the big evil eyeball
And this battle by me will be won!

– long pause –
(or not?)

(sing this verse very petulantly)
Minas Tirith – well, lets not talk about it
The army of the dead, Rohan’s riders and Islidur’s heir?
Gainst only the eyeball, the tiny insignificant eyeball
Rightfully I say that battle was not fair!

(add stick about Strider’s multiple names)

Back to Mordor I withdrew my forces
To let them rest and just to wait and see
For I am the eyeball, the big evil eyeball
And now they dare to challenge me!

CHORUS

To the black gate their army went marching
Where the ring went I no longer know
And I am the eyeball, and the stress here is on eyeball
“ may the lord of the black land come forth”, he says
Well, tell me HOW?

 (add stick about rolling to the gate etc)

So to smash them my army I send out
Not a chance in hell they stand against me
For I am the eyeball, the big evil eyeball
but why does my tower shake so strangely?

 CHORUS with alternate text, (whine more than sing):

No more eyeball, evil eyeball
Red evil eyeball, I am faaalling
They’ve destroyed, yes they’ve destroyed
My precious, precious ring!! (Oh no!)
They’ve destroyed, yes they’ve destroyed
My precious, precious ring!!

 (Cyclops Sauron joke – ‘LOTR:4, the Return of the (other) Eyeball!’)

CHORUS

 

2 Responses to “The Evil Eyeball”

  1. Mandy Eberle Says:

    Hi,

    Have to tell you that I am having lots of fun ranting about stuff when totally ticked off…and adding stupid aragorn, stupid isildur’s heir, stupid strider at the end of my rant. Mew and I have been having fun with it. We have had a lot of fun using that part of it (especially when we are at SF conventions). Anyway, great job, love the song.

  2. Sibylle Says:

    Hi Mandy – thank you! It’s one of my favourite ad-libs to do … it’s just so … grouchy. :-)

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